• Jess Gardner

How exactly did Nic get sober?

Want to know how Nic beat porn for good? He reached the point of no return.

When he realized he was going to lose me and our four precious boys, he decided to do whatever it took to finally - ONCE AND FOR ALL - get well.

Every previous time he'd tried to break free from this addiction, he'd always allowed himself to keep pornography as an 'option' in the back of his mind. He knew he needed to get sober to 'keep me happy', but he also knew he'd eventually go back to porn. He has since explained to me this is how an addict's mind works. The addiction is always an option - until Nic finally decided it WASN'T. He made that choice. He went ALL IN on his recovery, and he decided once and for all he would never go back to pornography. Through a comprehensive approach, he was able to get rid of this addiction for good. These are the steps he took, and these are the steps he recommends for any consumer trying to make the break from porn.

You've somehow found yourself in this place where porn has taken over your life. In order to successfully beat it, you have to make your RECOVERY 'take over' your life instead. Your recovery is your full-time job now. You must NEVER let your guard down, because that is when the enemy will slip in with his lies and justifications and shame.

Shame is the devil's favorite tool for keeping a porn addict trapped in his/her addiction. Because when an addict feels ashamed about his problem, he does everything he can to hide it. He refuses to talk about it. He lies about it to make sure no one finds out. And when he chooses to shut everyone out, he basically shuts the door on any help or accountability he might receive. And when he feels so down on himself, he seeks out something that will make him instantly feel better - so he goes back to the porn. Each time an addict looks at pornography, dopamine is released in the brain (if you don't know what dopamine is, imagine chocolate and ice cream and rainbows and donuts are suddenly coating the pleasure center of your brain all at once). Dopamine makes a person feel an instant 'high'. The more porn he looks at, the bigger the high he experiences. (Trust me, y'all - there is documented, scientific evidence to support what I'm saying. This is why we refer to this problem of looking at porn as a full-blown addiction.) Following a session of porn-viewing / acting out, an addict will feel the deep shame for having turned back to the activity he hates most about himself... but this is how the cycle continues.

"Your recovery is your full-time job now. You must NEVER let your guard down, because that is when the enemy will slip in with his lies and justifications and shame."

The misconception for the addict is he will be cast out (in shame) for admitting such a horrible, awful truth. "My friends will never talk to me again, I'll be shut out of certain social circles, my wife will leave me, and I'll never be able to show my face in public the rest of my life."


These are the manipulative tools the devil uses to make sure you stay in your miserable addiction. He would never want you to know the truth of admitting your sin to another believer who wants what is best for your soul. (James 5:16)

In Nic's experience, each time he had the courage to open up with another male believer about his addiction, he was immediately offered support, encouragement, and heartfelt concern. What surprised him most was when these men also reciprocated. Meaning, these men offered up their own stories of struggling with the same or similar sins. It opened up a door for healing for all parties involved! Imagine that, God's plan working the way it's supposed to work!! When we authentically open ourselves up in the act of confession, we receive support, encouragement, and reciprocation.

Satan is so good at lying and manipulation. But it makes so much sense why it appears he's winning this current battle for Christian men's purity.

Think about it.

Has there ever been a period of time when it's been easier to capitalize on men's susceptibility to lust? We now live in an age where porn is available on your watch, phone, or tablet in less than 3.2 seconds, simply by tapping on a hashtag, ad, or app. It is everywhere. And the devil loves slipping it in unlikely, unsuspecting places because he knows he can use the shame-tactic (as explained earlier) to keep the addict coming back for more.

But, as we've already outlined, there IS a way to break free from this miserable, soul-sucking cycle of pornography addiction. It's trusting God's design. It's not living in fear of admitting your sin. It's trusting the process of recovery and leaning on others for support, wisdom, and encouragement. It's asking others to pray for you while you commit yourself to a new life of recovery and sobriety. It's making amends with the ones you love most in this life and showing them every single day you're committed to full and complete healing. It's not giving up on yourself, your family, or your Father.

"When we authentically open ourselves up in the act of confession, we receive support, encouragement, and reciprocation."

Stick to the plan. Get sober. STAY sober. You can do this!

"[You] can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens [you]!" - Philippians 4:13

Sobriety IS possible! 🙌❤️🙏

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©2020 by Nic & Jess Gardner